“All her debts are cast on me, and she must and shall go free…”
When I hear this song lyric, sapphire Tennessee mountains and high beds slept upon by weary but satisfied guests and loud oceans come to mind. Renewal in the sense of psychological and emotional freedom is spilling out everywhere, and these are the minutes I wish to clutch and speak from. Hard and dirty moments came before and will come, but they were and will be needed. Derek Webb means the Christ and his utter loss of life to free those who believe his word, and what he’s saying is: “Let go, I did it all and you have no reason to fear!”
I seek to repeat this mantra every morning when I shift from reading hungrily about the purpose of metaphor to browsing pinterest clothes. I’ve lived a fun, but scattered life, and grad school is going to take neat concentration. Gone are the facebook joys of triumph that I’m taking another class, because July 1st will be my deadline to prove to UNCG that I’m worthy to pursue a Master’s degree in 2012. How can they know that, if I don’t and why should I subject friends and acquaintances to another dream? It can be a little embarrassing and slightly painful to always wax eloquent about what I know my purpose is this year, and how I’ll achieve it. I’ve gone from teaching high school French to moving to the country as a missionary to going back to school, and through the cycle again. I think my problem is that I don’t actively commit to one of these things before sharing with the world all of what my heart is asking for. I’d like to try to do a better job of containing things in conversation, if only for the sake of becoming careful with desires and living wisely. Just before thirty and a year or two before trying to conceive children, I ache to see a more patient, loving, kinder, sweeter, wiser Nina. One that is rested in her plight, confident in her talents and relationships.
I can know and share that poetry is beautiful: that the work of Charles Baudelaire and King David speak elevated language and love, that their personalities are central despite the haunts of New Criticism, that the power of a good poem reaches out past division and crisis to unite human hearts again.
1The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.
2Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge.
3There is no speech nor language, where their voice is not heard.
4Their line is gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them hath he set a tabernacle for the sun,
5Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.
6His going forth is from the end of the heaven, and his circuit unto the ends of it: and there is nothing hid from the heat thereof.
7The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
8The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether.
10More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
11Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward.
12Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults.
13Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression.
14Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.